“Bitch, be humble.” Nope, sometimes a girl has to brag. Sure I lost a bunch of weight and left an unhappy marriage. But, my swagger lies in my improved situational incontinence avoidance skills. Life goals at age 45, y’all.
A year or so earlier, 40 feet from an unseen port-a-potty, I pissed my pants. Not the kind of tinkle you could hide either. Honestly, though, that saturation level or the proximity isn’t where my discomfort lies.
I didn’t trust myself enough even to try to squat behind a tree. I was so afraid of splashing pee on myself that I took no action and peed myself anyhow. It seems pretty on point with how I’d been living my life.
Keep reading; please let me redeem myself.
Months later post incontinence episode, me and my full bladder walked along a tree-lined and port-a-potty-less trail on a lovely fall day. Nature called, once again I’m walking a trail with no bathroom in sight. More than that, I’m a mile from my car and a 10-minute drive from a bathroom. The odds are not in my favor. Now or never, right?
So, I went for it in a somewhat private spot; this girl squatted and peed and not in her pants. This act of bravery was the first foray into public urination in decades. The fucking joy and pride I felt. I even bragged to friends, and now there’s this blog post.
It wasn’t just chance. trained for that moment physically with my personal trainer Kirsten. She taught me how to squat with proper form and helped me with a whole different game. Transforming into the person who believes she can do hard things—becoming the Becky who’s not too afraid to pop-a-squat or two on the side of a walking trail.
On a Building A Second Brain Zoom call, Tiago Forte stated, “how you do one thing is how you do everything.” That’s some real truth!
I’ve spent much of my life as the girl can’t see her own power and who’s paralyzed by fear of fucking up.. A victim of circumstances.
So, yeah, not peeing yourself might not seem like a non-accomplishment. But to me, it’s an act of courage. It’s about becoming the kinda person who chooses action over fear. Transcending my scared, helpless little girl self into someone with agency.
To soil oneself is a distinctly human experience, but to overcome learned helplessness is divine.– Some Becky
PS — If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading. I’ve wanted to publish this post for a while. So it’s only befitting that I’d publish this on my birthday in celebration of becoming more me and less victim.
I hope you can also find ways to celebrate yourself, even if society might deem them taboo or inconsequential.
Lastly, let me end with these profound words from Brene Brown made lovely by @readwise.